Forgiveness

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone behavior or, in any way, make a wrong into a right.  It simply means your give yourself permission to release from your past.  It is accepting it has happened to you - not accepting that it was okay - but that it happened.  It is not holding on, hoping, wishing it could be another way.

The following terms can be Googled to gain a greater understanding. Everyone should understand these to protect themselves. Study them and see if they help you. 

Narcissist

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Family

Narcissistic Golden Child

Narcissistic Scapegoat

Narcissistic Black Sheep

Narcissistic Silent Treatment

Narcissistic Gaslighting

Narcissistic Stonewalling

Narcissistic Triangulation

Narcissistic Blame Shifting

Narcissistic Projection

Narcissistic Love Bombing

Narcissistic Flying Monkey

Narcissistic Pity Play

Narcissistic Supply

Narcissistic Injury

Narcissistic Rage

PTSD Narcissism

Dr. Martha Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door, notes that an appeal to your sympathy is actually one of the most powerful ways a manipulator with antisocial traits gets away with his or her abusive behavior.

"After listening for almost twenty-five years to the stories my patients tell me about sociopaths who have invaded and injured their lives, when I am asked, “How can I tell whom not to trust?” the answer I give usually surprises people. The natural expectation is that I will describe some sinister-sounding detail of behavior or snippet of body language or threatening use of language that is the subtle giveaway. Instead, I take people aback by assuring them that the tip-off is none of these things, for none of these things is reliably present. Rather, the best clue is, of all things, the pity play. The most reliable sign, the most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy …  More than admiration – more even than fear – pity from good people is carte blanche. When we pity, we are, at least for the moment, defenseless, and like so many of the essentially positive human characteristics that bind us together in groups … our emotional vulnerability when we pity is used against us by those who have no conscience."

"The combination of consistently bad or inadequate behavior and frequent pity plays", Stout continues, "is the closest thing to a warning you’ll ever get that you are being manipulated by a sociopath."

“If, instead, you find yourself often pitying someone who consistently hurts you or other people, and who actively campaigns for your sympathy, the chances are close to 100 percent that you are dealing with a sociopath… I am sure that if the devil existed, he would want us to feel very sorry for him.”

If you want an easy way to discern manipulators from empathetic people, pay attention to the way they speak about others in relation to you. Kind, decent people will go out of their way to make sure you know their friends and family really like you.  Manipulators, on the other hand, will always triangulate.  They provoke rivalries and jealousy by manufacturing competitions.  They whisper in your ear that their friend, an ex, or family member is very jealous of you - or maybe that they said something nasty about you.  Make no mistake, they're whispering the exact same things about you to those very same people.  So ask yourself, does this person create harmony, or do they engineer chaos?

👉  Sometimes, people pretend you're a bad person so they don't feel guilty about the things they did to you. 

👉  If you have to hurt other people in order to feel powerful, you are an extremely weak individual. 

👉 A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects.  They will be offended by the truth.  But what is done in the dark will come to light.  Time has a way of showing people's true colors.

👉If you always find yourself trying to get someone to quit criticizing you, raging at you, putting you down, giving you the silent treatment and dismissing your feelings, or you find yourself constantly having to defend yourself, there is a problem, and it isn't you.  You shouldn't have to explain to a grown adult how to act and how their rude or cruel behaviors are affecting you.

👉They copy pretty much anything of yours that they yearn to possess for themselves, your mannerisms, your work...etc.  However in this context, imitation is not the highest form of flattery.  They are actually always watching to see what other attributes they can take from you.  They have no core sense of self, so they prefer to mimic the qualities that they know make you likable and victorious.

When you first meet a narcissist, you will think they are nice, honest and trustworthy.  However, disagree or have conflict with them, and they will show their true colors.  They are controlling, manipulative bullies who lie, degrade, devalue, exploit, disrespect and abuse others, all behind closed doors in order to maintain a perfect image of themselves.